Are there any free web sites that will teach me how to play guitar?

A Yahoo! Search on "learn to play guitar" resulted in several promising candidates, as well as the related search terms "learn to play guitar online" and "learn to play guitar free." We were also directed to the voluminous Guitar Education category in the Yahoo! Directory.

Ask Yahoo! dutifully investigated the most popular guitar tutorial sites listed in the category. Here is what we found:

• ChordFind - this is pretty basic, but handy. A simple collection of chord configurations on a Java-enabled fretboard.

• Guitar Noise - Very chatty, personable tutorial along with plenty of interviews.

• Guitar Tricks - packed with short video clips and sound files! If you have a fast connection, this is a great site.

• VisionMusic - this is essentially a commercial site masquerading as a free tutorial. Very little introductory material here.

• Guitar Lesson World - This site has gotten the thumbs up from Rolling Stone, Acoustic Guitar, and the dearly departed Yahoo! Internet Life. It's packed with pictures, handy lists, and sound clips, and the verbiage is kept to a minimum.

Finally, if you're willing to spend a little money for a book and a CD, there are plenty of commercial sites offering an array of guitar instructional materials.

Do toilet seat covers provide any real protection?

Nope, but your seat doesn't really need protecting. All those paper covers do is mentally separate your backside from the countless bums that have occupied the same space. Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, let's listen to a few medical resources:

"To my knowledge, no one has ever acquired an STD on the toilet seat -- unless they were having sex on the toilet seat!" according to Dr. Abigail Salyers, president of the American Society for Microbiology, quoted on WebMD.

"It's OK to sit down. Most organisms that cause STDs will not survive for long on a toilet seat," notes Dr. Sherry Marts, scientific director of the Society for Women's Health Research, on the Swedish Medical Center's site.

As Columbia University's Health Promotion Program sums up: "Because toilet seats are not major culprits in spreading disease, paper or plastic seat covers offer little more than peace of mind." In fact, you have more to fear from bathroom door handles and faucets than from commodes.

And while we're on the topic, you might consider something to cover that phone receiver. A University of Arizona microbiology team tested a dozen office surfaces including the bathroom. The scientists found that phone receivers had 25,000 bacteria per square inch, while toilet seats had only 49 bacteria per square inch. Talk about calling in sick!

Are dogs' mouths really cleaner than humans'?

All dogs lick themselves. Some eat their own feces. Humans (most of 'em, anyway) do not. So how in the world can the mouth of a canine be cleaner than that of a person? Simple -- it can't.

According to ABC News, this is basically an urban legend. However, unlike the one about the psycho killer with the hook, this story has a grain of truth. Although the mouth of a typical dog is full of bacteria, it's "species specific." So, if a dog were to lick a person, most of the germs wouldn't transfer. "Bottom line -- you're more likely to get a serious illness from kissing a person than kissing a dog."

The myth may have stemmed from the way pups lick their wounds. A dog's tongue gets rid of dead tissue so wounds heal faster. Perhaps folks concluded that dog saliva is "healthy." Hardly the case, but you shouldn't be afraid of licks. They might be gross, but they're not dangerous.

Why do so many people have a fear of clowns?

It's strange how clowns send so many folks running for the exits. Actually, maybe not. Anyone who's read "It" by Stephen King or stumbled across a picture of serial killer John Wayne Gacy in floppy shoes is understandably a bit on-edge at the circus (or the rodeo, for that matter).

The official term for this irrational aversion to red-nosed entertainers is coulrophobia. While many are merely creeped out by clowns, the fear runs much deeper for others, affecting their daily lives.

Several theories attempt to explain the origins of the phobia, though none seem definitive. One of the more interesting comes from Kathryn Cillick. She believes most people are afraid of clowns because it's impossible to gauge a clown's true emotions. Thanks to painted-on smiles, people can't distinguish if the clown is as happy as he seems or if he's actually about to bite somebody's face off.

Several celebrities are decidedly anti-clown. Rapper P. Diddy has a "no clown" clause in his concert contracts. Johnny Depp had nightmares of clowns as a kid. And, of course there's Bart Simpson, whose utterance "Can't sleep, clown will eat me" speaks volumes about his feelings on the subject.

Thank goodness Jerry Lewis' "The Day the Clown Cried" was never released, lest we all be in straitjackets.